What do you think of the beginning of my story: ‘Sun of Day’?

by admin on June 22, 2010



Sun of Day

Preface

I would never have thought that one word would get me into so much chaos. One word that, if spoken or even thought of, would one day dismember the tissue of my life into so many little scraps that I would have to take at least three eternities to find every little piece. But this little word would not hurt me physicaly, but mentally in my heart and soul whenever it brought my mind back to him. That word, as simple as it may be, is love. The greatest power of all when fighting the all mighty battle bemongst the powers of good versus evil.
The day that I first encountered the possession of love was in fact the first day that I met him. I dare not speak his name, for it would only burst open my gaping wound on which I had tried to repair no matter how impossible the task would be. But now, as I stare deep into his eyes, I notice someone new, someone different. Almost as if he’d… changed. But that was surely impossible, wasn’t it?

1. Am I Really That Stupid?

Originally posted 2009-08-25 00:09:12.

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

charlie August 27, 2009 at 10:46 pm

not very good

understanding of english poor – 3 eternities? Eternity is for ever you can’t have more than one

bemongst? a new word you won’t find in any dictionary of the english language

“on which I had tried to repair” not english either

sorry but just this short piece needs an awful lot of work doing on it for it to make sense and be readable

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